Love Story
by eyescastskyward
Summary: A look into Misa Amanes bitter little brain, and a different view of her character. kinda dark kinda AU. Has implied yaoi and some cussing.


I hated you once. Way back at the very beginning when my parent's death was still fresh in my mind. I asked why them and not me as well. After all aren't we the sum total of those who love us? My parents were the only people to ever truly love me. Isn't that sad? True I have my adoring fans who will love me for as long as I'm young and beautiful and I have you Light-kun who will vow your unending love with boredom in your eyes. But that's not love, is it? Isn't God supposed to love all his people? (set aside the fact I'm your wife and lover. It's in the name Light-kun. Love-r.)

I hated you again when I almost died for the first time. (I say first because even I know that the entire time I played your game and was your pawn I was only a step away from being sacrificed.) Because even then as I screamed and ran and cried I was waiting patiently for my would be killer to become my killer. To catch me and end me. Would it be fast? through the ribs and into my heart? Deep and across my throat? Or would it be slow? into my stomach letting my own acids sear my skin? Just tracing my veins to watch me bleed out? Instead, I got a cardiac arrest victim, a killer notebook, and an obsessive death god who might have maybe been my best friend. I still dream about it sometimes though Light-kun, still imagine the ways I would go, still wonder if the o so pretty girl would become an o so pretty corpse.

But that rude I shouldn't speak of such things in your company. I know how you hate to see me in any other light than the peppy puppy that your entertain yourself with.

I hated you also when I first saw you. Even across the room, I could tell you were all golden hair and golden ideas. Without even looking at your name I could tell who you were god-kun. All your illusions of wonder cast you in a golden fucking light.(Just look at your name) Lots of people see it you know. It's what draws them to you so that you can play with them. Flesh and bone puppets to be played with by a golden puppeteer. I hated you because all I could think of was basking in your light and forgetting that you forgot me first. "Excuse me, but I was supposed to die with my family, remember God? That's ok just send me to them now!" but you didn't. You didn't even look at me.

That's why I looked you up and came to your house you know. I can still see your sisters face she's such a good child. I came to you to ask for death directly (even in the beginning I knew you were a God who cast his in with death.) Instead what came out was a plea to help you. I wove tells and myths with my silver tongue and it never occurred to you that I might hate you when I told you my story. The only truth I told that night was when I asked you to love me after all if you're not going to kill my body them you might as well resurrect my soul. Like I said early your only the sum total of those who love you. Guess it was too much to ask for a God to love me. (Set aside the thought that two died for me.)

I really had no idea what I was doing then. I had fully intended to have you kill me. I just couldn't say the words. And so I played your game for you. I jumped through your hoops and I smiled a pretty smile you. But oh I had my fun too. Let's not forget the tapes I can only imagine the task forces reactions.

No, Light-kun I'm not actually that stupid. Yes, Light-kun I did it for fun. A lot of it was. Fun that is. Because while you had your little romance with Ryuzaki (calling it anything else is an insult to me. You still say his name in your sleep Light-kun) I knew before that I would have to let myself be forgotten and set to the side or your brilliant plan wouldn't work. So I had to have some fun beforehand or else I would have just died of boredom. I'm laughing Light-kun. A lot. Even better was when I came to visit you at your college. You were so mad I could practically hear you thinking "She's an idiot she cant help it." I've no doubt that if I wasn't so valuable you would have killed me on the spot. Well, maybe not in front of all those witnesses. And L himself, just imagine his reaction. I play the ditsy model well don't you think Light-kun. It was very rude of him to steal my phone though and couldn't he have been more careful when he was kidnapping me. I'm a lady after all.

I do wonder if later you regretted that, letting him so near him. I'm very pretty Light-kun and plenty tempting for that freak. I can deal with the groping I'm a model Light-kun its practically in the job description, and I could have played him like a fiddle. But no, only you can play with your toys, we can't even play with each other. Your very cruel Light-kun. I would say jealous if I was as despite as I pretended to be, but instead, let's say selfish. I feel bad for him though. Your detective that is. In the end, I'm sure he was in love with you. In the end, I think you loved him too. You just didn't realize that entail after you'd killed him. Oops. And they called you a genius. Our story's like a legend. The tragic love of Zeus and Hades. Of course, I was the tag along wife Hera. Do you see it Light-kun? Isn't it funny? But then you killed him. Dead. Gone. The end. You win.

Or not. It must have pissed you off so much to know that all that work meant nothing, that there were three more ready to take his place, That they'd been watching you from day one and you never even knew they existed. The funny thing is the smart one turned out to be quite stupid, no not the albino. But the transgender. Killing himself and his friend like that I guess it did end up getting you caught though. And then the albino cleaned up the mess. The story of my life. (Because you somehow became my life)

The sad thing is that somewhere in this story I did start loving you. I'll always hate you but somewhere in between seeing your inner light and seeing your outer dark, I became that stupid, in love (never obsessed), girl. Just a little. I even forgave you for killing Rem. Now that was a bad idea I almost stopped smiling all pretty like. Cause you know what? You refused to love me truly but once again you took away the only other person that could. Damn god, you're on a role. But I guess that's why your six feet under and I'm standing longingly on a roof somewhere. Oh, you thought you'd rule your utopia from a gilded throne whine, in reality, you sat in a dark room all day as a hermit forever dreaming of tomorrow as you wrote names in that damned notebook. And then they killed you. Dead. Gone. The end. You lose.

I'm laughing again Light-kun. Just a little.

(I'm crying as well)

Authors note:

So it's stupid a clock in the morning and I'm writing the thoughts of a bitter hate filled anime character. I have no life. Also, did anyone else feel like Misa was laughing at them? In the manga, I always thought she was just playing everyone. I'm not against transgenders or Mello but that was my honest to god reaction when I first saw him. (Apparently, he was supposed to be a she but her/his gender got changed last minute.)Same rules as in my other fic. No Hating! (does not mean I'm against criticism) and here's a hint people reviews make me want to write. I'm just trying out writing but if no ones interested I'm not gonna waste my or anyone else's. Go check out Fire Born I'm despite and not afraid to admit it.


End file.
